Humility. Transformation. Passage. Change. A blessing in disguise. Transition from lower to higher. Humbling and exulting. Closing and opening. Sunset and sunrise. The end and the beginning.It has been awhile since I last made an entry here, and with good reason. My apologies if you've been hoping for an update. I can say so many things, but I will keep it short and sweet. Above is the final outcome of a tarot reading my dear friend Christie did for me recently, in light of the current situation. It was scarily accurate. As she always is with her readings on me, despite being miles apart. Despite what it looks like, it is actually a positive reading. I rather get the Death card than The Tower card. Google it, and you'll see what I mean.
As you know, my journey in the United States has have been tough. I came here alone in Fall 1997. From there, I've experienced, friendship, love, acceptance, rejection, joy, hate, and all things in between. Through two schools, 9/11 and work across the United States ... I've experienced life. I've worked hard to be optimistic, gain useful experiences as an adult, foster a career path that I am passionate about, maintain my legal standing, and to get a network of friends that I am proud to call mine. I think I have achieved that.
On 10/3, my journey came to an abrupt stop. In light of the current global economic recession, I got laid off. As much as I've tried to shrug it off, it was absolutely devastating. Being the typical Capricorn that I am, work was my life, sad to say. I've worked very hard to maintain my legal standing, and to prove my worth. I even had a green card application in the works from my last agency. Why? Because while I loved the agency and the work we do, it was the people there that I felt especially connected to. It was my career family, if you will. Regardless, they did what they felt was necessary. In lieu of that, my green card application and then-current H1B was canceled, making me fall out-of-status with the USCIS.
I've had two interviews with two casinos since. No dice. Most likely because of the de facto fact that I have, unfortunately, started to accumulate unlawful presence days in the United States. I hold no ill-will towards my former agency; the portfolio pieces, agency experience and the people I worked with makes the last two years priceless. I will miss them dearly: those that have been laid off, as well as those who still remain.
For the next 3 months after that fateful day, I've experienced so many things. Being jobless during the fourth quarter of the year for the fourth time in a row. Seeing Barack Obama win the 2008 Presidential Race. Experiencing New York City for the first time. Visiting Wynn Encore just after it opened. Seeing my friends everywhere get laid off or suffer pay cuts. Watching institution after institution fail every time I read the news. Bonding with my family and friends. Keeping the faith. An infinite amount of thanks to Siow Wei for keeping me in check through this emotional roller-coaster I had to endure.
It is now 12/23. In exactly one week, I will be leaving the United States. Before 2008 is done. Most likely permanently. There's so many things I will miss ... my friends, Sable, my independence (to a point), the life I've grown accustomed to. But it wasn't in the cards for me to remain here at this time in my life. It wasn't meant to be, and I will not fight it. Instead, I will embrace the path that has been laid out for me: To return to my beloved true home. I will soon be 31, and I do feel like I am late starter. I cannot waste anymore time dwelling on 'What Ifs' and such. It is pointless. Besides, I am sure the new adventures awaiting me will be fascinating, to say the least. I have not been home to Kuala Lumpur for 10 years (short visits don't count), and not to Singapore for 15 years. So much has changed, and I am anxious to rediscover it.
To those I will be reuniting with ... thank you. I've missed you so much.
To those who have made my journey here in the United States so incredibly worthwhile ... and you know who you are ... thank you for making the last 11 years of my life (practically my entire 20s ... an entire chapter) a truly blessed experience. I hope I have brought you some moments of joy as well.
In closing, I leave this to you. LeAnn Rimes and Delta Goodrem did an amazing rendition if this song, and it sums up my departure message perfectly. Just put on your headphones, hit play, close your eyes and enjoy.
