XIII: DEATH

Humility. Transformation. Passage. Change. A blessing in disguise. Transition from lower to higher. Humbling and exulting. Closing and opening. Sunset and sunrise. The end and the beginning.

It has been awhile since I last made an entry here, and with good reason. My apologies if you've been hoping for an update. I can say so many things, but I will keep it short and sweet. Above is the final outcome of a tarot reading my dear friend Christie did for me recently, in light of the current situation. It was scarily accurate. As she always is with her readings on me, despite being miles apart. Despite what it looks like, it is actually a positive reading. I rather get the Death card than The Tower card. Google it, and you'll see what I mean.

As you know, my journey in the United States has have been tough. I came here alone in Fall 1997. From there, I've experienced, friendship, love, acceptance, rejection, joy, hate, and all things in between. Through two schools, 9/11 and work across the United States ... I've experienced life. I've worked hard to be optimistic, gain useful experiences as an adult, foster a career path that I am passionate about, maintain my legal standing, and to get a network of friends that I am proud to call mine. I think I have achieved that.

On 10/3, my journey came to an abrupt stop. In light of the current global economic recession, I got laid off. As much as I've tried to shrug it off, it was absolutely devastating. Being the typical Capricorn that I am, work was my life, sad to say. I've worked very hard to maintain my legal standing, and to prove my worth. I even had a green card application in the works from my last agency. Why? Because while I loved the agency and the work we do, it was the people there that I felt especially connected to. It was my career family, if you will. Regardless, they did what they felt was necessary. In lieu of that, my green card application and then-current H1B was canceled, making me fall out-of-status with the USCIS.

I've had two interviews with two casinos since. No dice. Most likely because of the de facto fact that I have, unfortunately, started to accumulate unlawful presence days in the United States. I hold no ill-will towards my former agency; the portfolio pieces, agency experience and the people I worked with makes the last two years priceless. I will miss them dearly: those that have been laid off, as well as those who still remain.

For the next 3 months after that fateful day, I've experienced so many things. Being jobless during the fourth quarter of the year for the fourth time in a row. Seeing Barack Obama win the 2008 Presidential Race. Experiencing New York City for the first time. Visiting Wynn Encore just after it opened. Seeing my friends everywhere get laid off or suffer pay cuts. Watching institution after institution fail every time I read the news. Bonding with my family and friends. Keeping the faith. An infinite amount of thanks to Siow Wei for keeping me in check through this emotional roller-coaster I had to endure.

It is now 12/23. In exactly one week, I will be leaving the United States. Before 2008 is done. Most likely permanently. There's so many things I will miss ... my friends, Sable, my independence (to a point), the life I've grown accustomed to. But it wasn't in the cards for me to remain here at this time in my life. It wasn't meant to be, and I will not fight it. Instead, I will embrace the path that has been laid out for me: To return to my beloved true home. I will soon be 31, and I do feel like I am late starter. I cannot waste anymore time dwelling on 'What Ifs' and such. It is pointless. Besides, I am sure the new adventures awaiting me will be fascinating, to say the least. I have not been home to Kuala Lumpur for 10 years (short visits don't count), and not to Singapore for 15 years. So much has changed, and I am anxious to rediscover it.

To those I will be reuniting with ... thank you. I've missed you so much.

To those who have made my journey here in the United States so incredibly worthwhile ... and you know who you are ... thank you for making the last 11 years of my life (practically my entire 20s ... an entire chapter) a truly blessed experience. I hope I have brought you some moments of joy as well.

In closing, I leave this to you. LeAnn Rimes and Delta Goodrem did an amazing rendition if this song, and it sums up my departure message perfectly. Just put on your headphones, hit play, close your eyes and enjoy.

TANKED!

That's the word of the day. Why? Because the US pretty much made history today. The Bailout Plan failed in the House of Representatives. Granted, it was a seriously flawed plan, but it was an option. Still, it got intensely heated, and thus, the 228 No - 205 Yes result. There's gonna be lots of scrambling this week. The (already slumping) stock market practically tanked immediately following that decision, closing at -777. That's lower than 9/11, and a record for a single day of trading. The global financial markets just had a meltdown. In other related news, Wachovia has also been picked up by Citigroup, making it the latest and largest banking casualty. Oh, and there's a not-so-hot stirring at my job.

Dontcha love Mondays? I know ya do.

The Fall-Through Weekend.

That is the official weekend title. Why? Because every single plan I had fell through. Cancellation. No follow-throughs. No follow-ups. It was always something. If I had made hookup plans, that would probably have fallen through as well. So the weekend ended up being lackluster. But after last week, it was still welcomed.

This is in addition to the fall through of the global financial markets. Merill Lynch & Co. selling itself to Bank of America. Freddie Mac and Fannie Mae getting taken over by the government. AIG takes a $85 Billion loan from the Federal Reserve (in exchange for an 80% stake in the company). Lehman Brothers filing for bankruptcy protection. Best Buy buys Napster. Arbys buys Wendys. Oil prices are wavering. Stock indexes everywhere are dropping! And they say the worst hasn't even come yet.

This is in addition to the horrible tragedy that is Hurricane Ike. My friend in Houston survived, as did his condo and vehicle. Other are not so fortunate.

When will this madness end ... ?

The week before the long Labor day weekend, we lost 6 people. Two of which were very dear to me. Very sad. I am not sure what was the reason behind this latest round of layoffs, and I never will. I'm not privy to such information. I am not sure we could have afforded to lose those 6 people, as they brought things to the table. But lose them we did. Regardless, it sent the office into a downward spiral, and no one was in a working mood the next day. Productivity levels were down. Everyone was concerned that they could be next. Everyone looked forward to the holiday weekend.

Well, the good news is that they're doing well, and have plans ahead of them, even in these tough times. That is all we can do: be grateful for all the wonderful opportunities that's been presented thus far, and go on to create more opportunities. That said, I am extremely grateful I am still here, doing what I love! And I am very thankful to those two ex-coworkers of mine, who have given me countless rides to/from work. They will forever have my gratitude.

The elections are coming soon. Some predict it'll get better, others predict it'll get worse. Opinions are all over the board. It's a mess right now, and its going to be interesting.

I need Valium. 15 of them.

- 600 for Starbucks.

First it was their products. They brought back the old logo. That caused sparks amongst the conservative group. Then they cut 100 corporate jobs and eliminated breakfast sandwiches. After that, they announced the closing of 200 underperforming company-owned stores. Now its 600 stores slated to be shut down. Such is the life cycle of overexpanding their brand. Too many products. Too many niches. Too many branches. Too many little grubby fingers in too many different pots. Well, in a slumping economy, its fatal. People are buying less due to the insane gas prices. They can't get to the store, and instead forgo their morning lattes. And of course, shipping expenses, rent and utilities for underperforming stores spells big unnecessary expenditure. Not to mention paying the work force. Now, some people view this as just revenge, viewing Starbucks as a giant conglomerate that is hellbent on taking over the world by eliminating the mom-&-pop coffee shops. In some ways, I guess its true. But then again, almost every industry is being hit, and are forced to adopt cost-saving measures. Regardless, I hope the store I frequent doesn't get the ax. That would make my commute to work less pleasant than it already is.

WTF?!

SERIOUSLY! What the Fuck is up with this week? The workload has been piling like crazy. I had to play counselor/listening bud a few times. Fine. But today ... we lost 4 people! Within 30 minutes! Two Traffic Managers and two Jr. Designers. Restructuring and more restructuring! Such are the lean times known as economic depressions. It affects us all. I will miss them. The aura around the office after that was NOT a productive or happy one. Ugh! This shows that NO ONE is safe!

Free Money from the IRS? Really?

So...upon checking my balance last Friday, I noticed a credit from the US Treasury. Now this is not your usual tax returns, but rather a bonus called the Economic Stimulus 2008 Fund. Available up to $600, depending of various factors. Now, we all love extra money, but will this plan actually boost this downward-spiraling economy? Only time will tell. But from a logical point, it doesn't look like its working the way they planned. If you have any outstanding debt, you'll use it to reduce that amount. That doesn't help because its already an existing expense. Anyone who can afford to shop don't need such aid. If you stash it into your savings account, it goes nowhere and does nothing for the economy. According to the statement they sent out, your $600 won't be taxed, nor is it an advance from next year's tax returns. So...how is this helping to stimulate the economy and make people spend money? What will you do with that money? Is the current political climate and foreign relations playing a much bigger role?

Of Rice and Responsibilities.

Rumor has it that there is a severe global rice shortage. Well, it may be true now, after Cyclone Nargis hit the Irrawaddy Delta in Myanmar just this past week. But prior to that...there is actually a surplus of rice. But due to bad weather, higher food costs due to rising fuel prices, and human neurosis, rice hoarding has started to occur, as well as export limitations/bans. Costco and Sam's Club has started limiting the amount of rice each customer can purchase. One could blame corn ethanol and drilling limitations as causes, but I highly doubt it. Corn is grown in different types of soil, and yields hardly enough fuel to replace oil. And increasing the number of oil drilling locations would be a very short-term solution at best. Destroy the environment, deplete the resources. Not a smart move. Instead, we need to keep on plugging away at finding a fuel alternative that is environmentally friendly, is efficient, and can be manufactured on a very large scale. Oh, and yes, we need to stop being so wasteful! Why do we need Hummers and SUVs? Why do we only eat one bite out of our meals? We are all the cause, and only we can solve it.

PS. So today I got charged an additional $1 for the rice that came with my dinner tonight. Some places charge you for second servings. Some charge you for rice that goes with your takeout. Some charge you regardless. A few still don't. But remember that rice is a major component in many other basic ingredients, such as flour. And no flour means no cakes or pasta! There's proof that a rice shortage is coming into reality.