XIII: DEATH

Humility. Transformation. Passage. Change. A blessing in disguise. Transition from lower to higher. Humbling and exulting. Closing and opening. Sunset and sunrise. The end and the beginning.

It has been awhile since I last made an entry here, and with good reason. My apologies if you've been hoping for an update. I can say so many things, but I will keep it short and sweet. Above is the final outcome of a tarot reading my dear friend Christie did for me recently, in light of the current situation. It was scarily accurate. As she always is with her readings on me, despite being miles apart. Despite what it looks like, it is actually a positive reading. I rather get the Death card than The Tower card. Google it, and you'll see what I mean.

As you know, my journey in the United States has have been tough. I came here alone in Fall 1997. From there, I've experienced, friendship, love, acceptance, rejection, joy, hate, and all things in between. Through two schools, 9/11 and work across the United States ... I've experienced life. I've worked hard to be optimistic, gain useful experiences as an adult, foster a career path that I am passionate about, maintain my legal standing, and to get a network of friends that I am proud to call mine. I think I have achieved that.

On 10/3, my journey came to an abrupt stop. In light of the current global economic recession, I got laid off. As much as I've tried to shrug it off, it was absolutely devastating. Being the typical Capricorn that I am, work was my life, sad to say. I've worked very hard to maintain my legal standing, and to prove my worth. I even had a green card application in the works from my last agency. Why? Because while I loved the agency and the work we do, it was the people there that I felt especially connected to. It was my career family, if you will. Regardless, they did what they felt was necessary. In lieu of that, my green card application and then-current H1B was canceled, making me fall out-of-status with the USCIS.

I've had two interviews with two casinos since. No dice. Most likely because of the de facto fact that I have, unfortunately, started to accumulate unlawful presence days in the United States. I hold no ill-will towards my former agency; the portfolio pieces, agency experience and the people I worked with makes the last two years priceless. I will miss them dearly: those that have been laid off, as well as those who still remain.

For the next 3 months after that fateful day, I've experienced so many things. Being jobless during the fourth quarter of the year for the fourth time in a row. Seeing Barack Obama win the 2008 Presidential Race. Experiencing New York City for the first time. Visiting Wynn Encore just after it opened. Seeing my friends everywhere get laid off or suffer pay cuts. Watching institution after institution fail every time I read the news. Bonding with my family and friends. Keeping the faith. An infinite amount of thanks to Siow Wei for keeping me in check through this emotional roller-coaster I had to endure.

It is now 12/23. In exactly one week, I will be leaving the United States. Before 2008 is done. Most likely permanently. There's so many things I will miss ... my friends, Sable, my independence (to a point), the life I've grown accustomed to. But it wasn't in the cards for me to remain here at this time in my life. It wasn't meant to be, and I will not fight it. Instead, I will embrace the path that has been laid out for me: To return to my beloved true home. I will soon be 31, and I do feel like I am late starter. I cannot waste anymore time dwelling on 'What Ifs' and such. It is pointless. Besides, I am sure the new adventures awaiting me will be fascinating, to say the least. I have not been home to Kuala Lumpur for 10 years (short visits don't count), and not to Singapore for 15 years. So much has changed, and I am anxious to rediscover it.

To those I will be reuniting with ... thank you. I've missed you so much.

To those who have made my journey here in the United States so incredibly worthwhile ... and you know who you are ... thank you for making the last 11 years of my life (practically my entire 20s ... an entire chapter) a truly blessed experience. I hope I have brought you some moments of joy as well.

In closing, I leave this to you. LeAnn Rimes and Delta Goodrem did an amazing rendition if this song, and it sums up my departure message perfectly. Just put on your headphones, hit play, close your eyes and enjoy.

Just Not My Day.

Yesterday, before I left, I checked with everyone that everything was in order. It was.

Today was a different story. I was an hour late because I overslept. When I got there, there were two RUSH revisions that were due then and there! While doing the second one, I managed to disable 2 (out of 3) printers. Thankfully, they got one back up and running, but the other one is down. Sorry. While all is going on, I get a third RUSH revision, and a revision to the first revision. I didn't eat lunch until 3:30pm. My Mac wanted to have a meltdown processing such huge files. I can just hear it whirring away while it tries to spool my files.

It just wasn't my day. I got home, and I went into hiding. No, I didn't drink, but I did blog 5 entries. This one is #4.

A Weird Conversation.

Recently, I had a talk with my HR manager. She gave me the updates on my Green Card filing. During that conversation, some other things were revealed to me as well. Due to the nature of it, I have promised to keep it to myself. But ... how do I take it? As a friendly heads-up? Or as a first-and-final warning? A strange talk–one that I am not quite sure how to handle. I want to say the former, but in these slumping climates ... who knows. Regardless, I have been told I am doing good at my job, and to keep it up. And that's exactly what I am doing. In fact, I have to step it up!

Evil, Catty, Cynical ... LOVE IT!!!

First of all, this is NOT SAFE FOR WORK.

If you haven't been there, check out LuridDigs. Its a site dedicated to some horrendous amateur nude pictures of men. Well, tragic is more likely the appropriate word. You would think they'd talk about the men (and they do...), but their focus on everything else but the guy himself. And believe me, there are some major travesties! But the guys (and girl) that run this site are here to turn it all into good ol' entertainment. Their comments are funny, bitchy, catty and evilly sarcastic. I love it.

Check them out when you're alone and in need of some evil.

The shrinkage continues ...

As if Thursday's loss wasn't enough...I get to work today only to find out that we lost 3 more people last Friday. Very sad. This whole ordeal has me concerned. Very concerned. What the heck is going on?!? I have some ideas, but I'll keep them to myself, for now. In the meantime, I am grateful that I am still employed. I guess there's a silver lining to my previous ordeal after all.

On an up side, one of the ladies released this past Thursday visited the office today. Everyone was glad to see her, me included. She looked so much happier, and I know why. She was never happy at her job, always stressing out and lagging behind. When you have a job and a steady paycheck, you tend to become complacent, despite how much you may suffer and hate the job. Sometimes, being forcefully ejected from that position is just what is needed to get things back to the way it should be. A blessing in disguise, if you will. I know, because I was in her exact position at one point. Had I not been released, I would not be where I am today. Sure, it hurts in the beginning, and it is downright scary (especially when you consider my immigration needs). But then you come to the realization that you just may have not been meant to be there, doing what you did. You move on, and you seek happiness again, with a renewed outlook on life. You don't really have a choice.

I will miss her very much, and I hope she finds her happy place in life. Actually, I am very sure she will, and very soon to boot. My best wishes to everyone released from any company. May you find what you're looking for.

The Shrink + Shrinkage Week

Back from Portland. Back to the office and straight into the doctor's chair.

This week, I had to be a good listener, counseler and advisor to two people. One to a girl at work who is concerned and frustrated about her visa situation. Understandably so. Having dealt more with such matter, she asked me for advise. I did my best, and she's a little more optimistic now. Especially considering what happened this week (see previous post), she's still here. And so am I. The other is to a very nice (visiting) guy I met online. We have some very interesting (and freaky) similarities. His problem comes from his ungrateful and non-contributing boyfriend. Granted, I am hearing only one side of the story, but assuming its true, I feel really sorry for him. No one deserves to be used, abused, and hung-out-to-dry like he is. But he is moving along. And he might be single soon. Good for him! Life is too short to keep on living it unhappily. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.

There's my karma deeds for the week. And what a week it has been! I'm totally pooped-out.

WTF?!

SERIOUSLY! What the Fuck is up with this week? The workload has been piling like crazy. I had to play counselor/listening bud a few times. Fine. But today ... we lost 4 people! Within 30 minutes! Two Traffic Managers and two Jr. Designers. Restructuring and more restructuring! Such are the lean times known as economic depressions. It affects us all. I will miss them. The aura around the office after that was NOT a productive or happy one. Ugh! This shows that NO ONE is safe!

I •••• Mornings!

I really really do! Ugh! So summers are coming up fast. The warm weather, crazy winds, clear nights and a crazy sun schedule. With the sun now rising about 5am and setting at 8pm, my body has decided to roll along. While I am still a night owl, by bioclock now gets me up at 5:30am. Even on the weekends. Even if I fell asleep at 2am! Ugh! Sable isn't helping either, as she is up when the sun is, and wants me to be as well. And while she can sleep the day away, I have to work. Thank gawds tea has caffeine. Otherwise, by 2pm, I would be dragging. And that is bad. What a fun sleep-deprived summer this will be.

Martha, the Domestic Green Fairy

We all know Marilyn Manson has Mansinthe, but what about Martha Stewart? With a little domestic ingenuity, you can be a hallucinogenic Martha in your kitchen and whip up some Absinthe Cupcakes. Put on your apron, get out that sugar and fancy spoon, and bake up a storm in your kitchen. Booze and dessert, all-in-one. What could be better?

Still need more liquorice? Try the Absinthe Vodka or visit Absinthe Brasserie & Bar in San Francisco.

PS. Special thanks to Mr.Brown in Portland for the Mansinthe reminder. He's a precious doll.
PPS. Dedicated to Kim. You know who you are.

Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear ...

I've done plenty of logos, both at school and at work. It's always a fresh, inspiring challenge that makes you think. What works? What's just lame and overdone? Type-only? Icons? Colors? I've seen some excellent logos, and some that just baffle me. Every designer's take is different. Well, apparently one agency forgot to thoroughly proof their work. Check it out. Personally, I think the logo (in its intended horizontal orientation) is really sleek. It's simple, clean, contemporary-modern, bold, industrial, geometric, classic, excellent letter-forms, and very versatile. Maybe a little too versatile, in this case. Clearly, someone's mind was in the gutter when they decided to flip (or is it fap?) the logo at 90° clockwise, and thus taking it out of context. It's amusing, but ultimately passé. In the end, the excellent design of the logo is what is left. And its quite a feat to be able to make a logo that can be seen in more than one way. Besides, what better way than spend some funds to offer your people a good, hearty laugh? Cheers!

Brandjunkies dig Apple

In a recent 2008 annual survey conducted by BrandChannel.com, Apple managed to take top spot in several categories. Go figure. Coca-Cola, Nike, Starbucks, Virgin and Google did really well too. There were several interesting categories to be nominated in. Ironically, there was alot of frustration aimed at Microsoft (and Apple as well). So...what's your brand? What brand do you want to have dinner with?

Making your own gourmet $1 Menu.

Check this out. Okay, so I was in a very tight spot a few months ago. Still, I didn't need to go this far (thank gawds). I'm not sure how they did it, but they did it. In fact, I didn't know the 99¢ Only Store carried such stuff. Then again, I'd be leery of shopping for food products there. But logic would dictate that they can't sell food that has gone bad or past its expiration date, lest they get sued. Well, when the going gets tough, you do what you need to do to keep on going. A trained chef and that cookbook would be really helpful too.