Chills, a familiar face, and hindsighting

So it's been about a week since I last blogged. Well, the weather has gotten slightly colder. Being winter, that's a given. But today, we got rain too. And the accidents to go with it. Today, I also had lunch with quite a number of my colleagues at Rib Crib. It was the last day for a fellow designer, and it was good to see so many familiar faces.

In other news, Christine is back on the Vegas scene. Or will be by Sunday, at least. SanFran has been treating her roughly. She's been freelancing most of this time, which isn't good. Also, she misses her friends and work here. It was unusual that Sam was the one that suggested they move back to Vegas. And in part of that, I was offered the possibility of living with them as a roommate, to help out costs and such. I have no clue on the location, the animals (and mine), and potential couple drama that it may bring. Regardless, I am very excited to see her again. I know Steve definitely will be glad that she is back.

As for an update on my situation...well, all I can say is that its progressing. I was unable to elicit any (helpful) responses from my attorney, and this week a letter has been drafted to be sent to her by my company's attorney. In the meantime, all I can do is remain patient, stay warm, eat and entertain myself. It's time to rewatch my dvds, Witch Hunter Robin being the first series.

As for my mind...I don't know what's happening to me. Why am I still upset when I know that I have done nothing wrong, and put forth all I can give? Why am I hindsighting when it does nothing but make me regret? Why am I unable to cast my problems aside and just live the day to the best that I can? Why am I making this big deal even bigger?

I am still in the black (aura). I have been weirdly tense, bitchy and moody. Why exactly, I don't know. Yes, I know that I have done all I can do, yet I can't relax and just go along for the ride. Probably because the ride is so incredibly tight, restrained, uncomfortable, cold, and for an indefinite period of time. It could certainly be worse, yet I fail to see that. I do feel bad. Scott, in dealing with his own job situation, has decided to cut back on our time together. We see each other maybe twice a week, and then only rather briefly. I know he is only trying the best to conserve what little resources we both have, but it hurts. It really does. And yet...I can't fight him on that. He is right in that I am much better off because I still have a job to go back to, and that my benefits are still active. He is starting over, and has bigger bills that need to be paid on time. I'm just lost at the whole situation, and have started to do the 'If I only knew then what I know now' game, and it's quite counterproductive. It's just making me regret my decisions and happy times in months past. Of course, I had no way of predicting the future. And yet, I still do it.

I really am lost. i don't want to cry. I'm a mess. Plain and simple. A wreck of a mess. How do I get off this trainwreck?